thoughts on art and creative living

what the heck am I still doing here?

Please note: this and previous posts were affected by a recent upgrade of my blog software.  I had a mishap that caused me to lose all of my images, so I’ll be updating these soon!

I’ve spent the last few days updating my website. I think I’ve been on the computer about 3/4 of my waking hours these past few days and my eyes are burning, but I’m still here, uploading files as I type this. What is it about computers that hooks me in? I keep promising myself that I will spend less time here and more time in the studio. That’s the exactly my intention, as I set myself up for recreating the 100+ pages of my site (which also means editing photos and getting rid of pages that are now defunct). This is a project that would normally take me at least a week to accomplish, but I want to be done with it so that I can tend to other aspects of my life. Once I’m done here, my life can return to a sense of balance, right? Well, there are other things I’ve been occupied with too. Like other people’s websites (!)… and my daily walks, which are saving my eyes and sit bones. Tomorrow, I’ll definitely be in the studio again. Now that I’ve written it, I have to keep my promise.

Once I set up my studio on my balcony, I did get into the process of painting for a few days… then it rained for a couple of days and I wanted to be inside again. I’ve been a bit stuck in my work for a while now. I think it has something to do with moving so much. A lot of energy gets diverted into making my home nice, which is a good foundation for me to even feel like being creative. There’s a lot of inner work happening too, so I’m definitely not being dormant. In fact, I feel that these times of transition are perhaps the most creative, like the moment of emerging from a cocoon. I definitely feel that this is what is happening right now. My wings are feeling a bit bound and the desire to open them is coming through. As I work in my studio, I am opening up to a new way of expressing. I’m working on several small paintings at once… playing with textures and colors and applying paint in a variety of ways. The intent is NOT to settle on an image too soon. So I’m having fun with it, turning the paintings around as I work on them, covering layers with new layers. I’m having more fun here than I have in a long time. But the uncertainty is difficult for me. Sometimes I come into the studio excited and ready to experiment; other times I am daunted by the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing and haven’t settled on any “images” yet. I’m on my way to figuring it out. I’m looking forward to having something emerge soon. Hopefully, it will be a new pair of wings.