It’s funny how I’ll start a painting thinking it is going in a particular direction, then at some point I’ll change my mind and add a layer that was intended for another painting… and voila, it works better than my original idea! I do still have my faltering moments when I can’t seem to get enough energy up to work on the paintings. I get distracted, go on walks, feel too cold in my outdoor studio, retire to a book or the computer once again. It’s an odd thing that I often have difficulty mustering motivation for something that gives me so much joy. It’s also a lot of decisions being made over a period of time, and it’s easier to do something less challenging. As soon as I have some real deadlines around the corner, though, I tend to kick into high gear.
One of the things that has been continuing to provide satisfaction is the continual evolution of my balcony studio. I am sort of amazed by how much I can fit into a small space. I bought a bunch of grid-wall panels as a means of displaying my works for outdoor shows. It turns out that they are just as effective for organizing my studio, as I can hang my art on them, attach shelves to them, and make better use of my small space by having them hold things. I even like them aesthetically, as they are modular and can be re-combined for several purposes. Now if I could only get my office as organized as my studio!
My creative output has slowed down a bit, since I took on a few new web jobs and have felt compelled to pay bills. We’ve all got a job to do, and I can at least be happy that I am my own boss and feel some creative satisfaction in creating sites for other artists. Being on a computer for extended periods of time isn’t a particularly healthy habit, though. I am continually learning to balance the scales of work time vs. my personal creative time. Like most people in similar situations, I can never say I’m completely successful at it.
When I find myself getting too hypnotized by my long stretches at the computer, I take walks to the park, shooting photos along the way of practically anything of interest. Lately, I seem to focus a lot on the textures of bromelaids and lichen…. or of the branches and roots of trees. I then go sit under a tree for a while, and contemplate various factors of my life and work. It’s easy to let the chattering mind run its course without too much notice of where my thoughts are taking me. Simply sitting in the company of large trees is a grounding experience, and brings me back to center.
I came back to my studio last night and decided to paint this bluejay on one of my current experiments. It seems to tie it together. I don’t know what I’m trying to say with it, but for me it brings up a sense of mystery. The blues of the background are serene, but the dripping red brings out a disquieting feeling. It’s not inappropriate, I suppose, considering how much of their time birds spend hunting. That’s just an afterthought, of course. I’m actually hoping that the red drips don’t remind one too much of blood. I personally think of it more as a tribute of appreciation to an element of the natural world… a part of which I can only witness, but feel a connection to. Being born with a bird’s name feels completely appropriate, given my connection to trees and flying animals.
Please note: this and previous posts were affected by a recent upgrade of my blog software. I had a mishap that caused me to lose all of my images, so I’ll be updating these soon!
It’s hard to believe that May has come and passed already. So far, May is my favorite month in Portland because we’ve had such terrific weather. Everything is in bloom and my daily walks are punctuated by the fragrance of flowers, warm sun and cool breezes. Looks like it’ll be a hot summer, but I love these long days. (Above, Dendritic Self-Portrait).
I’ve been more joyful in the past few weeks than I can ever remember. Must have something to do with the fact that I am finally painting again! For me, this is the key to everything… it’s what makes me tick. Occasionally, I have days that I simply cannot face the studio because I’m in unfamiliar territory. I’m not quite certain what I’m doing. On my better days, I give in to this uncertainty, and just let things flow in whatever direction my intuition dictates from moment to moment. Playing with the background is the most liberating aspect, as I am freely pouring, sponging, dripping and rolling paint. I find that I’m not completely satisfied with a pretty abstraction, though. I need images to feel that the work “says” something. So I dig out my oil paints and start painting images above my abstract backgrounds. The work starts to slow down at this point. It has a different rhythm than working with acrylics. It feels deeper, more meditative. I like the idea of combining these two ways of working… beginning with spontaneous explorations, then digging in to something more reflective and meditative. I’ve decided I need both ways of working to feel balanced in my expression.
